Why are so many people unwilling to learn from people far smarter than they are?
This is part 4 of 5 of a series called, “People and Career”.
In case you missed it, here’s part 1, 2, and 3.
It takes humility to acknowledge that you could be wrong, are not the smartest one in the room, and also to be able to ask for help.
Some people just have too much pride.
It really boils down to two attitudes here.
I remember in high school, I would never ask for help from the kids that would ace all the tests because I felt intimidated. I felt that by asking for help meant that I was acknowledging they were "better" than me -- making me feel inferior, as if I was "less" of a person.
For most of my childhood, I was considered "smart." I was put in all the advanced math classes and was put in the GATE (Gifted And Talented Education) program. But my natural smarts plateaued by the time I was studying Trigonometry/Calculus in high school.
But by then, "smart" had become a part of my image as others perceived it, and part of my identity as I knew it.
So I felt like asking someone for help would mean that my image of 'smartness' would shatter and my sense of identity would also be lost.
By the way, this is a picture perfect illustration of Carol Dueck's studies that praising your children for being "smart" can actually impede their future development.
And then after college and through the last 3-4 years, I realized that I don't know anything and everyone is still figuring it out.
Every single time I felt I "knew" something, I'd find out in a couple months that I actually barely skimmed the surface. This happened enough times to the point where I just gave up having the need to feel or to be labeled "smart," because it's irrelevant.
I'm still learning, I'll be learning a year from now, I'll be learning 10 years from now, and every day until the day I die.
I'm now very aggressive about learning. I love being in situations where I am just figuring it out. I've learned to enjoy the process of mastery so I love being in the midst of people much smarter than me. I have no problem being wrong, and I'm excited to ask for help.
In fact, the art of asking great questions to pull out the genius out of other smart people has become a game to me.
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