How can one become more organized, disciplined, assertive and mentally tough?
All things that I was terrible at as a teen and young adult, how I worked through them -- a question from Quora
This is part 2 of 4 of a series called, “How to Work on Yourself”.
In case you missed it, here’s part 1.
As I teen, I struggled with worth issues, I was insecure, I lacked confidence, I wasn't assertive, I was jealous of more successful peers, and I thought I was destined for mediocrity.
One thing was sure, I was self-aware enough to know that I didn't like those qualities in me, so I sought out to change them. For a good year, I devoured any resource I could find about identity and confidence, I studied where my jealousies and insecurities stemmed from, and I listened to and followed the wisdom of men who were decades ahead of me.
It was a journey, but I learned to walk in confidence (even when I had nothing to be confident about), I began to understand my own worth (even when I had little evidence to denote my worth), I began to think for myself, and decided I could shoot for the stars.
There was such a stark contrast between how I began and how I changed that I couldn't stop writing, blogging, sharing, and teaching what I had learned.
The truths had such a profound impact on me and it was evident in my writing and speaking -- so much that I was able to spend a couple years traveling because I all of a sudden had speaking invitations all over the place.
I went from nothing to an international speaker in less than 3 years -- it's still surreal for me to reflect on that because I never anticipated it.
I was also very undisciplined as a teen. I gamed whenever I had time, I'd pull all-nighters "studying," I crammed for every test, I sparknoted my way through school, I was always late to every kind of meeting, I was wreckless, hormonal, and impulsive -- typical teen.
Things only happened because there was external motivation for me to do it. Intrinsic motivation was rare.
But just like how becoming a server at a restaurant can be a crucible to hone your social skills or getting a construction job will jack up your physical strength and stamina, starting an entrepreneurial venture disciplined my mind, sorted out my motivations, and taught me to prepare for everything.
I learned how to focus, prioritize, and strategize. I learned the importance of work and rest, how to learn on the fly, and how to "act as if." I learned how to build new habits, new connections, and new systems. I learned how to follow up, follow through, and follow the example of mentors.
Clients trusted because they knew I had their best interest in mind and I was always straight with them.
Friends in the industry vouch for me because I am fair, honest, and also good at what I do.
It's been just a little over 2 years in this industry and there's still lots in store for me ahead.
What's the best way to turn your life around? Do something different.
The habits and behaviors you currently have got you to where you are. You will not find a new destination until you change your behaviors.
I lacked confidence, but then I set out to change by finding those who had what I was looking for and implemented their advice. I took it further by sharing about what I had learned.
I lacked discipline, but then I threw myself into a venture that forced me to be disciplined.
In order to make great change, you must both want the change (that's the easy part) and also be willing to do what it takes to learn, grow, stumble, struggle, and then pick yourself up -- and do that over and over until you make it.
No one has sought to become a body builder without expecting to get sore along the way.
No one has sought to master a new language without expecting to eventually fumble through vocabulary.
No one has sought to be an actor/actress without expecting to forget a few lines along the way.
Great feats are almost never accidentally "stumbled upon," they are strategically planned, they are relentlessly calculated, there are countless adjustments, and constant pivots.
The best way to turn your life around drastically is to 1) want change enough to do something about it 2) learn from those who have gone before you and 3) persist no matter what obstacle you face along the way.
This answer was originally published on Quora and had over 75,000 views.
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