Is a happy or meaningful life better?
Quite the philosophical question from Quora
This is part 1 of 5 of a series called “Why Relationships Matter.”
I thought about a similar question years ago.
I was sitting in the back of a truck, parked in front of a church we had just spoke at, watching the sun set with 5 of my friends — we were in the middle of a 6 week missionary trip in South Africa.
We were pondering life and its questions, we were all between the ages of 19 and 22.
There was a lull in the conversation and my mind wandered.
“I wonder what have been the most meaningful moments in my life so far?”
I recollected:
Summers with my childhood friends, playing pranks on each other, swimming parties, and sleepovers
Enduring marching band all-day rehearsals in the blazing sun and the endless jokes during multiple hour-long bus rides
Pulling off mischievous pranks and making stupid videos with my group of friends in high school
Nerf gun wars, Nintendo 64, and cake and pizza during birthday parties in elementary school
“Meaningful” was quite a loose definition. I was simply thinking of the memories that stood out the most in my mind when I rewound the clock of my life.
But the one thing I immediately realized that tied all these experiences together was the presence of people. People seemed to matter over any sense of accomplishment or any sense of fun I had on my own.
After reflecting, I remember making a broad, sweeping decision that I should always make time for people in my life. If I do, I figured, I’d have more of those meaningful moments.
At that time, I guess “meaningful” was quite similar to “happy.” But who’s to say they can’t be so related?
Thinking about it now, almost 6 years removed from answering that question the first time, I’m realizing there’s so much nuance to this question. “Meaningful” is very subjective, and we all might use it differently.
Now, with a different lens, here are some moments I’d peg as meaningful:
A couple people I had been mentored years ago sent me a message thanking me for the time and energy I invested in them
Little notes/comments/messages people have given me about how I changed their life, or how they learned something that made a difference for them
The cathartic moment I had when I gave a talk about entrepreneurship at Berkeley, despite dropping out of school and feeling like I’d always have a strained relationship with academic institutions
Learning how and becoming comfortable with telling people around me, “I appreciate you” because my parents had never used those words with me so it was something deliberate I had to pick up
Finally finding something that is at the intersection of what I care about, what the world needs, what I am good at, and what I can get paid to do (OrendaAcademy.com)
Finally finding my “tribe” I see on a weekly basis after, for the longest, not having people who “get me” because of my crazy journey of dropping out, going into nonprofit, real estate investments, and now education
Why must we choose one or the other? “Happy” or “meaningful”?
I guess it depends on your definitions.
But in my world, I’ve found quite a bit of meaning and happiness in the people I’ve been surrounded by, the difference I’ve made in the lives of others, the personal growth and progress I’ve made for myself, and the satisfaction of finding work that is congruent my values.
Life is not a multiple choice test, you are allowed to fill in multiple boxes and make it out ok :)
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